sweet nothin'

oh, sweet nothin'
i ain't got nothin' at all
- velvet underground

somehow in the creep and crawl of my daily life, i find myself the flatest broke i have ever been. ever! and that's saying something, since i was in grad school for 2 years and living off of about $14K a year in student loans.

somewhere between the bone-crushing student loan payments, rent, gas, groceries, and an occasional night out (and honestly, there havn't been many lately, since i kept seeing the account balance shrink and shrink) i find myself with less than $300 to my name until i get paid next week. checking and savings! crazy.

the silver lining is that i WILL get paid next week. i have good credit, and even though i am loathe to use it, i can and likely will this week.

the question is, though, how do i dig myself out of this hole? how much is it my job to scramble and how much is it God's job to come up with something. i bet that sounds weird. this is what i mean: how do i trust that the Lord cares about me, even my money stress and how i deal with it, and wants to help? how extreme do i let myself get trying to 'fix this myself', as i am wont to do in other areas of my life? i mean, really, is my financial life really any different from the other chaotic bits (love life, friendship, mom, etc)?

i'm pretty close to taking quite extreme measures. sell my car? move to a cheaper apartment with more roommates? start e-baying all my belongings? apply for a job at starbucks? (don't laugh - i downloaded the application today).

those are all perfectly acceptable and sometimes necessary, responsible actions i could take to better manage my funds. all of them sound pretty sucky.

ok.

BELIEVE Jesus is enough.
BELIEVE it's gonna be good.

(i don't care about the beautiful part today, i just want to not be broke).