dreams

i have a lot to do at work today. which is unfortunate because my brain is drifting off into a blur of daydreams, in blatent disregard of my ever-growing to-do list.

it all started with my ridiculously awesome new mattress. it is almost too comfortable. as in, it stresses me out to be that blissful while i'm sleeping. it seems that i may be more prone to unseemly nighttime activities like snoring, moaning, slack-jawed drool spilling slumber, the likes of which can only be accomplished when one is actually in a deep sleep. and so, with a glitter of paranoia that my comfortable bed will lull me out of my life long light-sleeping quick response system of knee jerk awakeness, i gingerly allowed myself to try to sleep deeply and unselfconciously.

it was a rough night.

trying to sleep with abandon was not as easy as i had hoped.

what if i miss my alarm? what if i am snoring because i am so alseep that i don't wake myself when i feel a rattle getting started? what if i get so used to sleeping actual sleep, with REM and everything, that i never get out of bed again? what if i am late to work EVERY DAY from now on????

i was late to work today. because the delicious pillowtop of luxury sucked me into its tentacles and wrapped me up in frosting and rainbows.

see? i must not have slept that well, because i am clearly sputtering nonsense.

and so i meandered to the train with an extra 10 minutes of walk time, because i knew i had already missed my on-time train and was going to have to take the hangover train. the train that people take that gets them into the office around 9:20. that one. oh well. the extra slow walk gave me time to get my daydreams ramped up.

and when i got to work, i stared down my to-do list and the much softer but still appropriately businesslike emails from my boss with the items i need to have prepared to discuss on monday, and i let my brain wander. it wandered into such detail that i decided to email Yale about it, since he says he wants to know more about what i would really like to be doing with my life. so this is what i sent him:

maybe it's the fallish weather.
maybe it's wishing i had more time to do creative things.
maybe it's glimmers of nature here and there through the concrete and metal.

but it [my daydream] went something like this:
i am wearing a sort of threadbare but effortlessly chic long sleeved men's button down plaid shirt and dark jeans and cute sandels. my hair is longish and curly like when i don't dry it and it just does its own crazy thing. i have an artsy little headband in it.

i'm behind a big wooden chopping block kitchen-type island in my florist work room, and there are spools of bright colored ribbons on the wall behind me. the windows are open and there is a little bit of crispy breeze, and i am up to my eyes in anemones and dahlias (which don't even grow at the same time, but whatever, it's my daydream) working on bouquets. a row of little boutineers are lined up in a pretty box with tissue paper and raffia around them. and i have all day to work on them, so there is no frantic rush. this is what i do ALL DAY. and my cranberries cd is in the stereo, and i'm singing along. and i am super super happy. and i'm thinking about how i will paint a painting when i am done with these bouquets.

yes. that is what i would rather be doing. every day.
if only i could come up with a real way to be a writer and a florist. hm.
for starters, i can manage to keep my paid job. which will include getting back to work. right now.

over and out.