let's get it started

6 days to go, and i am so full of anxious energy that i think i am going to barf.

excited, nervous, trying not to compulsively stalk the weather forecast (which, as of this morning, looks too perfect to be true).

it's only 10:36 am and i have no idea how to get work done today. or the rest of this week.

everything is beginning to come together. the yard is shaping up after 10 hours of work on saturday. the agent orange we sprayed over every leaf and blade of grass will hopefully keep all the mosquitos and gnats away from the party. the decorations, favors, candles, jars, and flower designs are all as ready as they can be at this stage in the game.

Yale has a few things still hanging out on his to-do list, but he is sooooooo soo soooo close to finishing his dissertation (like, hours now instead of days, thank the LORD), that i am confident that those will get crossed off before friday.

the only things left to do are to finish the music play list, make the detailed to-do lists and spreadsheets, assemble the goody bags for our out of town guests, buy a bunch of snack food and some alcohol, check and re-check the supplies that need to make it to the house, and pray that the weather channel is accurate and that it will really be 75 and sunny on sunday.

oh, and move the rest of my belongings, set up the new apartment, paint the new bedroom, move my mattress, pack a bag, write thank -you cards, do some yoga, and try not to freak out.

i guess if we don't get the room painted or all the boxes unpacked before friday, that's not really a huge deal.

it's the getting married part that is a HUGE deal. the closer it gets, the more surreal it is becoming. at church on sunday people kept coming up to me with smiles and hugs and reminding me that next sunday, i would be getting ready for my WEDDING!! and i just smiled back and felt confused for a minute. really? really? my wedding? i'm really getting married? sometimes it still feels like a strange dream. after all these years of other people's weddings, this time it is mine. and that is weird.

kind of like when you have a dream that you go shopping and find the CUTEST pair of shoes and they are on sale and the perfect color and they fit beautifully and they make your legs look incredible and you think "where have you been all my life? i can stop looking for another pair of shoes as long as i live." does anyone else have dreams like that? i have them about shoes, bags, and dresses from time to time. anyway. it's kind of like those dreams. this sense of total amazement, contentment, thankfulness, and light-headed joy. yes, i said joy about a shopping dream. but the bummer is, you always wake up from those dreams and you do not actually have the shoes. or the bag. or the dress. just the fleeting idea.

what does that have to do with anything? i guess that until it actually happens, and i am actually married, the whole idea feels a little like those dreams. i've never been married before, i've never had a wedding before, i've never been this excited about anyone or anything before.

i'm sure it is not going to be perfect perfect. the wedding, or the husband, or the wife, or the marriage. but knowing that by this time next week, i will be a WIFE for real, not in a dream but in my actual life, is overwhelming and awesome and scary and cool. and weird.

the Lord is faithful, and he has made so much beauty out of brokenness in my life. it does feel like a dream. a good dream. very very good.