material girl

i read this story online today, and i had to share.

it's called "cover girl", and it's written by the anglo mom of a bicultural couple whose 9 year old daughter begins to take interest in the father's muslim faith and wear a head scarf. the tagline says that it is a story that explores the place where religion, self-image and motherhood intersect.

i have been thinking about story since i first saw a glimpse of it in an "O" magazine in the staff break room. i didn't read the whole thing that first time, so i didn't know that the family was bicultural until i read the full article online today. i am surprised by how strongly i identified with it; particularly the author's description of those early adolescent experiences with the love/hate relationship so many of us have with our bodies. exposure bring power and attention, hand in hand with terror and discomfort. i also thought she had a beautiful description of how keeping under wraps may help protect the delicate and beautiful pieces of her daughter's heart while they are just starting to take shape.

this was a terrific flip side perspective after the hollow and vexing take on middle eastern women and their clothes portrayed in "sex & the city 2". i finally saw that this week, and i'm glad i didn't pay full price for it. it wasn't a terrible movie, but it wasn't a good one either. in any case, the new york ladies invade the UAE with little thought to cultural respect or the possible benefits of NOT showing off all your bits to everyone in sight.

i know it is different when you have a CHOICE about what you will wear and what you will keep covered, and i do not envy any women who still live every day without that freedom. but for some reason, headscarves and their usage seems to be popping up all over this week. i read an advice column the other day with a question from a young muslim woman in america who fears that she may be being passed over for jobs because she wears a headscarf, and asks would it be disrespectful to her family or hypocritical if she removed it for interviews. she has a choice, and she's not sure what to choose.

when i started dating Yale, one of the first squabbles we ever had was about a question of how much skin is too much skin for me to show. weird, i know. i don't consider myself someone who is prone towards scant clothing. but i wore something that was low-cut, and it made him uncomfortable. it was a strange disagreement, partly because i was wrestling with disillusionment. here, all these years, i had thought that boys LIKED to see a bit of cleavage. not a foot of cleavage, but a bit. i thought boys LIKED sexy dresses and curve-hugging frocks. and here was my boyfriend, telling me that it made him uncomfortable.

at first i was angry and haughty and felt like he was trying to control me or tell me what i could or couldn't wear. we went around in circles about it. i couldn't stop talking about it. and sometimes crying. he wasn't, actually, trying to control me or direct my clothing choices. he was just being honest, and he didnt' want other boys to get such a good look at my goods. nothing wrong with that, really. but since then, i've noticed myself recoiling from some of the clothes i used to like to wear. i've become a bit more aware of the looks i still get from men when i wear certain things. kind of ickly affirming when you are single. just icky when you are married.

anyway, i'm definitely still in the process of figuring this all out. having Yale's perspective is fascinating and vexing and ultimately very good for me. thinking about my body in a new way is certainly an ongoing process with me and Jesus. but Yale can see all of me any time he wants when we are at home. "leaving something to the imagination" turns out to be pretty damn sexy, now that i'm not trying to attract affirmation from the general public.