Moms, this is a shout-out to you. You are amazing. And I can't believe you do what you do every day.
Maybe it's hormones, or the sharp stab of missing Yale so much these last few days while he is in Quad Cities, or some sort of LONG latent maternal instinct starting to nudge and nose its way up towards the daylight from my cold cold heart.
Maybe it is the proverbial clock ticking.
I don't know what it is. But it is a strong and steady thump in my chest that I am not home with Auggie and Yale today, lounging around and snuggling with my little family. Yale had the day off from his looooooong stretch of new employee orientation, so he came home late last night and will leave again tomorrow. We got to have a decadent and leisurely brunch this morning since, of course, I have to work late tonight on the one full night he will be home this week. And we talked about his work, and about finances, and about our "some day" life. But mostly we talked about Auggie, who we had just dropped at the vet for a morning of (blessedly simple) tests and observations for his seizure meds.
When Yale talks directly to Auggie, he refers to me as "Mommy". It weirded me out at first, and I insisted on calling Yale "Mr. Wolf" to AugDog when the need arose. As in "Ohhhhh, you're mopey now, but just wait until Mr. Wolf gets home! You'll be all happy and excited again!". But I'm used to being called "Mommy" a little now, and I rather like the sound of it. Even if that makes us freak-o pet people who are inclined (and may or may not have even tried to fashion a fabric sling to accomplish this) to take our pooch with us everywhere we go.
It is unfathomable to me how much more intense and beautiful and visceral it must feel to have an actual HUMAN baby of our own. And I cannot imagine how incredibly much more work it is to have a baby. I can't even do the math for the expense (though Auggie's first 3 weeks in our home have added up quite a huge sum of food/medical/set-up costs), the sleeplessness, the exhaustion, the emotional overwhelm, the joy.
And please do not hit me in the head with a 2X4 for saying this, but it does feel a bit like I am getting one of those little ice cream store teaser tastes of what that could be like.
I'm quite sure that if I ever do have kids, that I will want to work outside the home at least part time. Unless, of course, I can come up with some kind of work that I could do AT home. Which could be great.
But today pretty much all I can think about today is going HOME and plopping onto the couch with my hubs and my pup. I would want to be home with Yale today, even if we didn't have a dog. And I still look forward to seeing him with butterflies in my stomach every time he comes home. But now, Auggie makes 3. And it feels like a family. And it feels great.
2 comments:
You are not wrong about the comparison. The fact that having a dog is like having a kid is one reason I will not have a dog. I don't need one more person in this house who needs something from me and who follows me into the bathroom.
The main difference is that you won't have to put Augie through college.
:) Thanks, E, for your note! Luckily, Auggie has zero interest in the bathroom, but you're right about the constantly needing something. I won't have to put him through college, but he'll also never stop needing me for his basic survival. At least kids can eventually get their own food!
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