When you get married, apparently everyone EVERYONE has to ask you the same exact question: "How's married life?" I'm sure I have even asked this very question of my newlywedded friends. This question, innocent as it seems, is not so easy to answer.
Should I say something like, "Being married is GREAT! I highly recommend it!!" (HUGE CHEESY SMILE). Or something more like "We are having a lot of fun. A lot." (wink). Or something like "Well, now that the house is mostly unpacked and the moths have all been killed and we've gotten on somewhat similiar schedules, we are cohabiting surprisingly well considering the close quarters."
The last couple of days I have been inclined to say "Ask me again in about a year".
Everything has, in fact, been moving along pretty smoothly. After a rough first couple of weeks of insects and clutter, we have settled into our home and routine, and then we shook things up by getting a little furry creature to live with us and plaster every surface with his crinkly black hair. But we both love him to bits, and I've decided that we actually spend more time together because of Auggie Doggie. We take him on walks together, and like to go to the pet stuff store together with him, mostly because it is fun to take your dog into the store with you. And we talk on the phone in the middle of the day about once a day now, just to share something funny or important about AugDog's antics. So, all in all, the pup has brought us even closer.
Which is good, because we are about to get really really far apart.
Like, about 4.5 hours and 12 weeks apart.
When Yale accepted his new job at Augustana for the fall, he did so under the verbally agreed-upon stipulation that he could only teach on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Yes, it would suck for him to live in the Quad Cities 3 days a week, but it would only be 3 days a week. And only 30 weeks of the year. So we would suck it up, and try to make the best of what could be a BIG step towards a career in academia. He rented a little coach house, and planned some stark furnishings of just a bed and a desk and some odds and ends and books. We mapped out a little budget, and allocated most of his (not huge) pay towards savings. We researched dog walkers for the 3 days that we would need one. I have been repeating the mantra "Only 3 days a week. Only 3 days a week." for about two months now.
So imagine our shock and dismay when his teaching schedule was confirmed as Monday/Wednesday/Friday for the first term! Monday morning through Friday afternoon teaching load means that he will have to leave on Sunday afternoon and wouldn't be home until late Friday, or Saturday mid-afternoon. Because Augustana is on the other side of the world (state).
His immediate and urgent email to the dean was met with a polite and apologetic acknowledgement that they could not change the schedule. And a thin promise that they would "do their best" to accomodate him for the winter and spring.
Tears, screams, rants, and all-out emotional meltdown ensued. We discussed the option of quitting. But two weeks before class starts is a pretty jerky time to quit. Your first job. In academia. The incentuous, gossipy, merciless world of academia.
And so, here we stew. We've (Ok, I've) cried a lot, hugged, talked, prayed, ranted, and dare I say stressed out our AuggieDoggie to the point that he was on a hunger strike this weekend, turning up his nose to dog food and treats alike. Just like when I'm stressed out, pretty much his only source of nourishment over the past 3 days has been cookies. We finally coaxed him into eating some new food last night.
Yale told me this morning that he had a dream about us being apart for 2.5 months, and that in the dream he would listen to U2 when he missed me, and that he would feel a little better. Now, I'm always a proponent of listening to U2 to cure what ails ya, but I'm not sure that Bono is going to get me through almost 3 months of a Saturday Husband.
People do it. I have been reminded about a zillion times of friends who have had to live apart from their spouses for short or long periods of time. Med school residency, military deployment, or even just 2 different jobs in 2 different cities, and no wiggle room to spare for one to be unemployed. (I blame the health care crisis for that particular seperate living arrangement - can't quit your insurance when you're on Chemo!).
The thing is, it still sucks. A lot. I think about the long term ramifications of A.) keeping the job and living apart for most of our first year of marriage or B.) quitting the job and Yale being black listed from his career in academia because of it, and the emotional turmoil that would cause for both of us.
Maybe there are lots of other possibilities that we haven't even thought of. I don't think that it is necessarily the case that these next nine months will stress us out beyond what we can bear. It may cause our pup to break out into hives, however, now that he will not have 24-access to his beloved Yale. I may break out into hives too. Or, at least, the blues.
** In the interest of fairness it should be noted that by the end of the day yesterday, Augustana had emailed Yale with a confirmation of his schedule for the Winter and Spring term, with a sympathetic Tuesday/Thursday schedule. Makes it much harder to quit on the jerks when they have moved so quickly to try to make it right. As right as they can make it, after screwing it up for fall.
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