Keep your footing

This week has been so jam-packed with emotional fluctuations, I marvel that I did not have a full-scale meltdown.

Dear ones are finally (FINALLY) expecting a baby after nearly 4 years of heartbreak.

Another dear friend's baby underwent two delicate operations and, though hopefully successful, has an exhausting trek of recovery ahead.

One friend and her fiance joyfully eloped at City Hall on Saturday, her "Surprise!" photos glowing with the radiant look of someone who has waited such a long time to find true love.

Another friend's mom died suddenly, leaving a shattered family full of questions and shock.

I've cried and rejoiced and worried and prayed and prayed some more. I've wrung my hands and smeared snot all over my arm while ugly-crying. I've had dreams about my mom, and my childhood home, and of walking in the backyard at sunset. And I've patted my ballooning belly and asked Baby Girl to keep at her summersaults to remind me she is well and busy in there, biding her time until she can meet us.

Honestly, I've been calmer than I expected. Maybe it's the "Natural Calm" supplement I've been taking to help quell anxiety and help me sleep. I really did expect that all of this would plunge me into a spiral of fear and angst; "When will our Pretty Happy crumble? What terrible grief is lurking around the corner for us?". I entertain those ideas once in a while, but they don't take hold. For that, I am incredibly grateful. I could go into a couple of theories as to why I have somehow managed to stay uncharacteristically steady. They are long stories and hard to tell, but I'll say that it may have something to do with continuing to tiptoe into Orthodox faith - trying to start a habit of praying Morning and Evening prayers, repeating some of the simple Daily prayers when I start to feel unglued, finally working up the guts to accept the priest's offer of saying a special Pregnancy prayer of blessing over me after the service, where he sprinkles Holy Water over me after saying the most lovely, encouraging, affirming prayer maybe anyone has every prayed for me. I can't remember what he reads, but I remember feeling a swell of emotion and tears well up inside me when he prayed it.

I have to hand it to the Orthodox (and the Catholics, probably, though I'm not as familiar), they have a rich and beautiful prayer for just about anything. There is something about having someone pray over you and bless your body. I may be undecided about converting to Orthodoxy, but it is increasingly clear to me that a lot of Protestant traditions are really missing out on some of the most powerful and beautiful and grace-filled traditions of the Global Church. But those are ramblings for another day.

Suffice to say, some combo of God and magnesium supplements and probably hormones are to thank for talking me off what could have been an emotional ledge over the past seven days. I'm thankful to be part of these friends' lives and to walk through the Joy and the Pain with them. I pray that I can encourage them all in ways that help them keep their footing in the days and weeks ahead. And that I'll keep mine as well.