crazy

oh you're never gonna survive
unless
you get a little crazy...

what about doing better than surviving? getting a little crazy is, i think, essential for living the EPIC life as well.

i realized today that i have referenced the idea of "epic" in this blog, but haven't defined it. it is becoming more and more of a go-to, a clincher, a centering "ohm".

it's my mantra. my goal. a deep, big, trembling desire of my heart. if i get another tattoo, it will probably be the word etched into my skin. it's an idea introduced to me by my dear one C, who is herself among the sparkling clutch of EPIC people in my life. one evening during a long walk-and-talk, we sat down on a bench and she told me that i am epic. she said it in passing, in a conversation about some stories i had written. it made my head spin around and question her: what do you mean? why would you think that of me? how in the world am i worthy of such an idea?

it struck me immediately. and it has wedged itself into my brain. a calling, if you will, even when my actual direction has seemed pretty rambling and non sensical.

this is what "epic" means to me:
to live out of your whole heart, without undue consideration of the practical or social implications of that kind of raw, against-the-grain, vulnerable audacity. an epic person is someone who lives out of the deep calling on her or his heart. whose lives bare the mark of the TRUTH and HOPE and RISK of acting unblinkingly in ways that honor and affirm the woman she was created to be. someone whose life lines up in character and tenor and action and word.

i'm blessed to have EPIC people in my life. my mom, for one. my Epic Ex didn't used to be particularly epic, but has in recent years shown himself to be making serious headway in some really amazing ways. The Boy is epic in his way. the above-mentioned C. my girl-crush from grad school. Rox, KP, PDW, many more. you know one when you meet one. some EPIC people are charismatic, some are more reserved. either way, you want to be around them - see what they see, have that kind of light. sometimes there is something remarkable about the circumstances or scenery of their lives, but often its as much about the EPIC way they live in their day-to-day, even when the situation is otherwise unremarkable.

anyway. i guess the more i try to describe it, the more ungraspable it becomes. suffice to say that it is an idea that makes perfect sense to me. if that gives you any comfort. lest your concern for my mental health grow unsettling.