i want you to want me

so my work crush has crumbled, and i see no other potentials on the horizon.

and after a long, strained look around at my options, i decided to go through the preliminary free trial of chemistry.com.

yes, the dreaded internet dating. how did i get here?

i'd heard horror stories about eharmony, and i only know 2 people who have actually gotten married from a match on that site. for the most part it seems like about 5 zillion cool, Jesus-loving beautiful girls competing for the scant handful of non-crazy boys. plus, the process seemed cumbersome. all the layers and mandates and rigidity did not sound like it would be a good fit for me. so after hearing and reading and seeing all these things about chemistry.com, i decided to do their personality test and see what turned up.

out of the 4 possible personalities, i'm primarily a 'negotiator', but 'explorer' was a very close second place. ('director' and 'builder' are the other options). it gave me some feedback about what would make a compatible partner for me, and it actually seemed pretty reliably on target. it matched me up with 10 initial possible matches and then it's up to me to read about them and decide if the site did a good job figuring out what i would like.

so now i get to just see who the site recommends for me, and who of the other men on the site click the "i'm interested" button on my profile page. if i want to read more about them or see their pictures, i have to subscribe.

but i don't think i'm going to.

why?

because getting 12 "i'm interested" clicks in the first day was enough for me. just to know that someone could see my picture, read my profile, and get past my charmingly worded but balls-to-the-wall announcement that i love Jesus first and want the same in a partner - that gives me enough hope that somewhere out there, there could actually be a guy for me. someone who sees me, gets to know a little bit about me, and wants to know more. not only that, but 10 out of those 12 guys listed "curvy" as their preferred body type! whoo-hoo! really??? that's amazing. i would never have guessed that to be possible.

so thanks, you 12 anonymous guys who want me to want you. i may not meet you in cyberspace, but your existence gives me enough hope to keep looking in the real world.