ooooh i feel like a scandelous, lying, blogging cad.
i write this whole "chemistry.com is a waste of time and money. i don't need internet dating. it's not for me. i'm done" while conveniently failing to mention that i went ahead and tried eharmony's free weekend like 2 days later.
i had done their tedious and possibly ridiculous personality test about (could it be??) 5 years ago when Epic Ex and i broke up. but i had never actually paid the money or activated the matching. that doesn't stop them from sending me "pay us $50 a month to find you the love of your life" propaganda, which, in my weakened social state and internet-curious behavior i finally bit into and allowed them to start sending the matches my way for a whole weekend.
there were many strings attached and tricks involved. i could see the written profiles of my matches and i could go through the flaming hoops of eharmony structured communication, but i could not see their pictures or use any of the other fancy computery features of the site unless i forked over the cash.
a couple of the 20 or so matches seemed kind of cautiously promising. i started communicating with one of them, and to my utter surprise he kept pace and seemed pretty eager to get to know me better. by the end of the weekend, we had exchanged email addresses and one email a piece. hooray! i think to myself (prematurely, as usual). now i have one match to try out as a beta test and i dont' have to pay eharmony's absurd fees. i sent him a note via eharmony on the last day of my free trial to let him know that i was not going to continue with my eharmony account but that i would definitely like to see "where this might go" because his match with me was the best i had for the weekend. or something like that.
and now, the crickets chirp.
i'm going to guess that something somewhere in these last couple of days has turned off whatever little spark of interest he may have had in me over the weekend.
the funniest part is that he is a volunteer marathon trainer for CARA, so the liklihood of meeting him at some point in the next few months seems pretty solid. ah, the irony.
eharmony does seem to have a funny sense of irony about it. it teases you into complacency by matching you with one or two guys appealing guys but hides them like easter eggs among a wall of freakos and fox news affectionados. when you "close" a match, you are supposed to check a box with your reason for doing so. things like "you live too far away" or "i don't feel any chemistry between us" or "i'm pursuing another relationship". based on the percentages of my matches who listed "a patriotic american" or "i can't live without rush limbaugh" among their most important qualities or passions, i could petition for a "we would rip each others' throats out" box. plus, i mean, are there really only one or 2 progressive, non-republican single Jesus-loving single men in chicago?
if there are only 2, and one of them quietly rejected me after a weekend of flirty emailing, then i'll have to focus my romantic endeavors on that remaining needle in the dating haystack.
if you or someone you know may know where Needle may be hiding out, please give me a heads up. if he happens to live in DC or california, i'm open to a move.
1 comment:
I had a great idea...I can do eharmony for you here in DC! I really do think that the man of your dreams is here in this city. This town is made for someone like you!! Really, every day I get on the metro and I just think of all the guys that are trying to change the world and how one of them would be perfect for you!:) Of course, I guess with technology I guess technically you could do eharmony from there but look at the guys in DC. Oh, and by the way, when I was little I slammed my finger in a door and my dad heated a small nail over a flame and then proceeded to get the hammer..you know how it goes from there. Needless to say it was a bit traumatic.
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