magnificent

Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar

I was born
I was born to sing for you
I didn’t have a choice but to lift you up
And sing whatever song you wanted me to
I give you back my voice
From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise…

Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar

Magnificent, Magnificent

turns out the only things i HAVE managed to pray these days have been, surprisingly enough, prayers of thanks and praise. sometimes i have prayed for calm and peace and comfort for mom. for mercy. yes, i finally prayed for mercy in english after running out of kyrie's and gloria's.

but most of the time it is praise and thanks bursting out of my heart in a way that is truly and seriously not my concious thought. imagine that leg-jerk falling feeling when you are trying to fall asleep, and how you are at once shocked and relieved to wake up.

of running with lungs full of country air and winter wheat stems and the familiar caress of the sound and scent of the creek bubbling under the bridge and the bees humming. and i give thanks. for the emails and calls from friends and family who have loved me since i was a girl and some that i have not talked to in months and years, and the embrace of Love and His Hands and the people He uses to send them my way.

and today i am stunned by the love of my colleagues.

i stood in the break room filling my mug with hot water for tea and the CEO of the organization comes in to top off her coffee. she puts her hand on my shoulder and asks me how i am doing, and i say 'ok, thanks'. and she says 'i want to encourage you to do or not do whatever you need. even if you just want to come to work and stare at your desk and just be in a different setting for a while. i have been where you are, and i and we totally understand. we are here for you.'

my boss, my bosses boss, and now the CEO of the whole shebang have come to me with such warmth and love and grace and i am so thankful. my colleagues, everyone. college roommates, old friends, cousins i haven't heard from in years, former coworkers, and all of you who are already so close.

bono and the boys sing "magnificent", and i happen to know from that super secret U2 party that that song is based on the magnificat (the song of Mary). here is a chunk for you, which i am teaching myself to pray as well. and pondering a switch to catholicism...

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour;
he has looked with favour on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed;
the Almighty has done great things for me and holy is his name.
He has mercy on those who fear him,
from generation to generation.