are you strong enough (to be my man)

ok, i'm ready to give up this ridiculousness.

last night i pinky-swore with JM&JM that i would give up my eharmony account forever and ever amen at the end of this 3 month pre-paid experiment unless something changes dramatically within the next 2.5 months.

i hate it.

i really do.

the constant tease of "match communication received!" and "we'd like you to meet brad!" is wearing thin already. and if i get far enough along in the process to actually start "communicating" with a guy that i like, my batting average so far is 3 guys choosing to 'close' the match and 4 more just sort of ignoring me in cyberspace limbo after a couple of exchanges.

hey, newsflash eharmony: i can get ignored by men in my regular life any time i want. for free.

my favorite is when you finally get around to open communication and start to try to, ummm, i don't know, communicate openly? and your honesty or genuine interest manage to spin that guy on his keyboard heels so fast you don't know what hit you. actually nothing hits you. because they just suddenly disappear after days of almost-banter.

i emailed back and forth with one guy who, in lots of ways, sounded like we could get along pretty well and my even have a lot in common. but he's catholic. and when he sent me an email asking me more about my denominational background and my faith and stuff, i answered him honestly and descriptively. and that's when i never heard back from him.

or the other guy who seemed funny and friendly and is a triathalon athlete and pretty cute and i continued to email with him even after i realized that he used up 2 of his possible 10 "must haves/can't stands" on items related to sex.... ie: "must have a partner who enjoys exploring our sexuaity with openness and creativity" or something that implies adventurousness in bed and "must have a partner who enjoys having sex frequently". i'm all like "ok, 20% of your must-haves are about sex?". because i have to admit that i use that check-a-box section to try to patch up wounds or disappointments from previous almost-loves. things like "must have someone who does not take himself too seriously and enjoys the lighter side of life" to make up for the brittle greyness of Epic Ex's and The Boy's tendancy towards heaviness.

suffice to say that i have about 2% hope that any of this eharmony nonsense will come to anything. besides, i have plenty of other things to keep me busy. i'm training for a marathon! i'm trying to start volunteering with the American Cancer Society! summer fests and friends and movies and ravinia and travels to plan and people to visit and a pile of estate paperwork and memorial thank you cards to crank out.

that's a busy summer, with or without a boy. so if you're out there somewhere, guy for me, i hope you can keep up.