i have to write or i might go bonkers.
definitely beginning to exhibit some classic "emotional overwhelm" symptoms, and writing is the only thing i can think to do.
i guess it was inevitable. the manic phase would calm down a bit. the busyness would abate (or be forced to a halt b/c i could feel myself slipping quickly into panic). the sugar high would crash.
for the last several weeks i have felt pretty good. happy, even. but something came crashing down this weekend. i'm still not really "sad" or "weepy" (although weirdly i did almost lose it while in downdog at yoga on saturday, and i could not for the life of me tell you why). maybe that's why i have to write. i have no outlet for this feeling, or really even any name for it.
tears won't work (and won't come)
panic never quite gets past simmer
sleep is restless and not terribly helpful
alone time is hard to come by and filled with the feeling that there is too much to do: projects, thank you cards to write, rooms to clean, calls to make
time with people has all of a sudden, as of this weekend, felt like an itchy freak-out waiting to happen
and then it came to me:
retreat.
and just as i type that, the layers of meaning for that word slide into my brain with a smooth smile.
retreat. time alone, away, and unpressured
retreat. wave the white flag and fall back
retreat. treat myself again (does that count? i think i just made that up.)
perhaps this can happen some time this weekend. maybe i will go away for a day or so. next weekend would work too, if i can make it that long.
suddenly my waycheaperthantherapy quick fix of cuteoverload.com is not quite sufficient. even when they post pictures like this every day:
and i think this one is just as cute, though i concede that some of you may find it creepy...
yep. even fluffy owls and kittens in cups are not workin' today.
ugh.
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