mysterious ways

so this blog is a funny thing.

private and public. raw and censored. a delicate balance between intimacy and indiscretion. every day i think of things i want to write, and most days they never make it to the blog. i'm a wordgirl for sure, but words have been failing me lately.

wondering today what happens to the "Jesusfish without a bicycle" when a shiny new bike falls out of the sky and she could very easily trade in her mermaid fins for a bicycle basket and a little chiming bell? does that make any sense at all?

see? nonsense. this is what starts coming out of my brain.

this is my brain [insert image of normal brain-looking thing].

this is my brain on falling in love [insert image of messy splotches of color and flowers].

Jesus is a funny guy. taking my words away when i feel like i need them so much. to be able to tell Yale how i feel, and why. to be able to tell other people what is going on with me. to rationalize, justify, question, demand, ruminate, hash and rehash.

but just as mysteriously, i realize i don't have to do any of those things. i heave a big sigh. and feel like this Big Mysterious Thing is happening to me, but more than just "to me". in me. i'll save the corny comparisons to flowers budding and butterflies emerging. you get the idea.

so now, the challenge to balance calm with effort. prayer and assurance. excitement and fear and wonder and loads of questions.

like these:
could it really be this easy?
could "the one" just appear out of nowhere on an eharmony screen?
how long does it take to know?
can i be honest with people and just start telling people that i'm pretty confident that i do know?
can i take that back? or did i really just write that on the blog?

i don't want to delete it. it feels good and right and true.

who'd a thunk it?

its alright its alright
alright
the Spirit moves in mysterious ways