how much information is too much information when it comes to your past exploits?
i mean, let's be clear here - i have soooooo few "exploits" of any kind to recount, it's almost a non-question. i don't have many relationship skeletons in my closet, and my 'sexual history' is nonexistent. but it's not like i have never done silly things or been in sketchy situations.
in my personal opinion, Yale has a much more interesting relationship history than i do, and sometimes i get a *little* defensive about the fact that he seems to get cranky when i share tidbits of my "scandelous" past.
case in point: i happened to drop into casual conversation last night on the phone that i have, on two occasions, participated in partially-clothed sunbathing while visiting foreign countries. no big deal, right? i mean, i was with girl friends and we were pretty secluded. it wasn't like i was lying nude under a beach umbrella in miami or something. and he didn't say anything at the time, but i did get an email from him this morning that expressed his distress. sweetly, and thoughtfully, but still.
and the only other 'fight' we have ever had was after i told him the story (that i thought would just be an amusing anecdote) about the australian rugby player i made out with in croatia. it was very very very PG. we were on a freakin' sidewalk in the middle of dubrovnik for sobbing out loud. but he was NOT happy to hear about it, and he did not find it amusing.
sigh.
what's a girl to do?
i want to be honest with him about all those years of my life before i met him, but i don't want to hurt his feelings. i want him to know that i am not all sweetness and light and snow-white purity all the time. i want to be sure that he knows that i am not perfect, or ideal, or completely scandel-free. but seriously. as scandels go, these are pretty ridiculous. right? right?
do i keep my mouth shut? i mean, he already knows pretty much everything there is to know about The Boy and The Fling, and Epic Ex. those didn't seem to bother him. or, if they did, he didn't feel compelled to say so.
the dark and less-Jesuslike parts of me want to lash back with commentary on his own past, but i have refrained. it's not very scandelous either, i might add.... it just makes me feel a bit ruffled.
blast! what should i do? suggestions?
FYI - i feel kind of squicky about having written/posted this at all, so i'm only going to leave this post up for 1 week, after which i will delete it. it's really a plea for advice, and not so much something i want noted for the permanent record.
2 comments:
Advice from an old woman, history is for reading, not necessarily sharing with someone you want to create your own history with. We always think we want to know and tell everything, but when what we hear creates a visual image that then plays over and over in our head, it is sometimes better to keep the tapes of the mind to those you share. As you live your long life together, there will be many tapes you both like to replay, and those you wish you never played at all. I don't think either of your stories were outrageous, but aparently, he feels uncomfortable knowing these things. Would you be shocked or hurt,if they were his stories?
My only concern would be about the future. How will he react if you do something similiar in the future? Is this a control issue? I doubt it, but I don't know him as you do. Maybe ask why it seems to bother him so, and then drop it.
But what do I know, I'm 60, and could never survive the world of dating you have these days.Good luck. (You can delete all of this)
thanks ronnie :) i appreciate the wise advice! we did actually talk about it some more last night and all is well. it was just a momentary freak out on his part, and once we talked about it again i think everything is fine. and we've both learned a little bit about communicating with each other, so that is always a good thing, even if it comes out of hurt feelings.
thanks!
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