in a little while

100 days until the wedding!

it feels like a lot and not a lot.

a lot to do, a lot to figure out, a lot to plan, create, borrow, clean, and pray.

but a looooong time to wait.

and a short time to live with The Best Roommate Ever.

and a short time to get in shape.

and a long time to wring my hands and calculate and recalculate budget numbers.

and a short time to find a place to live.

anyway, i'm sure that is getting old. you get the idea.

and you know what else i have been thinking a lot about recently? i have, somewhere in the last couple of years, become a painfully uninteresting person! for 2 years all i talked about was grad school. then all i talked about was mom, being broke, the marathon, and scrambling around all the time. now all i talk about is Yale and the wedding. gross. when the wedding is over, what will be left?

on a deeper level, what will i do with all the mental energy i have devoted over the last, oh, i don't know, 15 years or so to trying to find love, fall in love, and get married? if i could add up all the embarassingly huge number of hours i have spent trying to "make this happen", i would realize that i have spent WAY too much time trying. even if i could shave away the fluffy stuff of "will there be boys there?", there are still the crusty layers of semi-honest "spiritual" disciplines that deep down i know were at least partly motivated by the desire to be a marriageable girl. you know. the kind of girl a Jesus-loving boy would want to marry. it may not have been the only motivation. or even the major motivation. the Lord is working on my heart all the time. for sure. with a chisel. that doesn't mean i didn't manage to warp those Jesus-facing steps with lots of kneck-craning to search for boys along the path.

crazy.

getting married.

now what?

first step: filled out the volunteer intake form for the American Cancer Society to (hopefully) get to work with their efforts in Chicago.

second step: remember all that stuff that used to keep me up at night - poverty, injustice, health care reform, housing inequity - and get back into the groove of soap box standing and volunteering.

and try to cut myself some slack. it has been a long, brilliant, tumultuous, beautiful, incredible couple of years.

new stuff, good stuff, on the horizon.