No Envy No Fear

....well this is how we have to try
have no envy, no fear

- Joshua Radin

My annual review was this afternoon. I tried cogntive-behavioral-thearpy-ing myself to keep from lying awake all night dreading it. Work has definitely gotten better over the past year or so, but I still find my stomach twisted into inelegant knots more often than I would like.

But I may have rounded a corner on all the angst.

The review ended up going much better than I had feared. Better, and a raise to boot. And suddenly and bafflingly, I'm wondering if I could stay here for a while after all. Which is troubling. Because it confronts me with the very real possibility that my attitude has been unnecessarily bleak all along. What a waste of energy and tears! Isn't that almost always the way, though? Is it just me, or is it weird to only find out that I'm actually doing a good job at my review? The positive reinforcement has been flowing a bit more liberally over the past few months, but still, I was shocked.


I don't see myself here forever, of course, but maybe I can stick it out comfortably until Hubs and I move somewhere warm so he can start professoring at a fabulous school with a view of the coast.  (Dream, dream).

Here's the take-home, friends: Life really is way too short to worry about crap like the annual review I get in April of 2011. Even a better-than-expected review.

I need to just do my job, and do the best I can do, and keep my eyes peeled for the Next Thing. Whatever and whenever that may be.