Be Careful Little Eyes What You See

I'm slowly crawling out of one of the worst night's sleep ever. EVER! I feel crushed and angry with myself even as I clutch my Starbucks cup to my chest for some comfort.
The last time I was this shaken up by a movie was when I watched "Seven" in college. I had nightmares about it for a week, and I felt jittery if my roommate was not around when I went to sleep at night. I vowed then and there that I would simply not watch graphic, violent, brain-burning movies anymore. I had learned my lesson. No need for that in my life. And every time I have broken this rule, I have regretted it.

Guess what? My life is absolutely not better for having watched "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" or any of the other less graphic, less violent, less horrific movies I have watched since those sleepless nights in undergrad. They're good stories. Well written. Well acted. So well made, in fact, that I couldn't peel myself off the couch last night even though my stomach was churning and I already felt the cold creep of a terrible sleep settling into my brain. I had to see the end.

You can't un-see things. Or un-hear them, un-say them, or un-think them. And I know myself well enough to know that the images and ideas from that movie are going to nestle into the cracks of my brain, just hanging out for some future nightmare or fitful sleep, or dark walk with the dog or frantic search for my keys in a parking lot. "It's just a movie" is only comforting if it is just a movie about zombies or haunted hotels or aliens or stay-puffed marshmallow men. Movies about serialkillingrapisttorturers are, tragically, not exactly the stuff of fiction.

I don't need that stuff in my life. There are plenty of great movies and books out there. Maybe it's fine for other people - I'm not trying to get legalistic about what is OK/not OK for anyone else. But I have no desire to be desensitized to violence or brutality, so why would I keep watching it? Real life is brutal and violent enough. The news reports are full of TRUE stories of unspeakable evil, so why go looking for a Hollywood version?

Oh be careful little eyes what you see, what you see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Did you sing that song in Sunday School? I only remember the See, Hear, Say, Think parts but not the chorus. Anyway, maybe I need to tape it to the computer screen so I can say "No Thanks" the next time my dear Hubs suggests a movie that uses the word "brutal" in the synopsis on Netflix.