All That I Shall Do

All That I Shall Do
Edna St. Vincent Millay

I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death.

My friend posted this poem on Facebook this morning - isn't it lovely? Challenging? I can't stop thinking about it. 

Today is Maundy Thursday.  [Sidebar: Snuffy, I will never forget our "almost tradition" of Maundy Thursday, and how much it meant to me that you would sit beside me while I wallowed in angst in church because I needed to be there and couldn't go alone.] Holy Week is winding down, and all I can think about is my first 4 day weekend since moving. My brain is littered with plans and gifts and road trip excitement. We're driving up to Maryland to visit some dear friends for Easter, and that is what is on my mind. Good Friday, this year, has become "OH GOOD, I GET FRIDAY OFF". 

I make excuses for not being very Jesus-focused during Easter and Christmas because these holidays and their food and music and traditions and celebrations make me miss my mom. And my dad, actually. Easter was a Big Deal in our house, but dad didn't allow baskets full of toys and candy. Nooooo sirreee. I can still hear his voice reminding us with a bit of an exasperated edge that "Easter is about Jesus! Not toys, not baskets and rabbits and eggs" while we whined after church that all of our friends were wearing new ruffly socks and carrying new stuffed bunnies and playing with spring-dressed new dolls. We got a few jelly bean filled plastic eggs, but they also had an Easter sticker in them or a fortune-cookie-style Bible verse tucked inside. We read the Easter story together. Mom and the Choir would sing "Christ the Lord is Risen Today". It took me a lot of years to realise that they were singing "is risen" rather than "has risen". The slim but monumental difference between something that happened one day 2 thousand years ago, and something that is - right now.

What would it be like to live the idea of that poem? To calmly face the reality of dying, but to live for Life? Her words are so elegant. "Living for Life" doesn't really mean the same thing. Having nothing to do with Death is harder. I could extrapolate. My brain naturally bounces down the rabbit trail of political buzz - pro All Life, meatless, anti-war, life-supporting giving, pulling away from consumerism and all the ways our culture glorifies death, violence, spiritual death. Spiritual death. Yeah. I could go on and on.

Choose to turn away from Death. That's my Easter thought for this year.