Pins and Needles

Yesterday was my first of what is likely to be many sessions of Fertility Focused Acupuncture. The acupuncturist was suggested by a midwifery practice that I contacted after the miscarriage, and she has been practicing for 13 years. I like her. In fact, in all my years of getting acupuncture, yesterday was about as close as I have ever come to falling asleep with 30+ needles sticking out of me. By the time I was really relaxing into the intense heat of the session, I realized that my body felt like it does during a good massage. You know, if you were being massaged by three dozen needles.

The acupuncturist I used to see in Chicago had been practicing something like 30 years and had studied in China. She was also a chiropractor. The friends and I who saw her faithfully for a wide array of ailments referred to her lovingly as "our witch doctor". She worked wonders with needles and herbs. She was also the first to diagnose my food intolerances and chronic inflammation, which I flatly refused to accept at the time. Her treatments were erasing my back pain and joint aches, so why in the name of all that is crusty and bready would I want to give up pizza and Jimmy Johns? About four years after she first admonished me about my inflammatory wheat and sugar and sugar consumption, I heard the same from a general practitioner in Raleigh. By that time, however, my body was raging and I was willing to try anything, including a grain-free diet.

I've sought alternative medicine on and off for about seven or eight years now. I'm not opposed to traditional medicine, but I've been frustrated by the lack of options for whole-body treatment. Or even just personal, compassionate treatment. Here are a couple of fun bullets from the post-miscarriage appointments I had at the regular OBGYN office last month:

•  At my first post-miscarriage appointment, the nurse who showed me to the exam room asked me if I had had any changes since my last visit. I had called the office to tell them that I had, in fact, had the full miscarriage, and that's why they scheduled the follow up. So I just said "Besides having miscarried twins? No, nothing besides that." She said that she was very sorry to hear that while she kept her back to me and updated my chart.
  
• The doctor who came in to do the follow-up ultrasound explained miscarriage to me using BASEBALL ANALOGIES. I kid you not. Gibberish about "at-bats" compared to "home runs" and how rare it is to actually "score a perfect run" especially under pressure. He essentially gave me his canned Miscarriage Speech and then asked if I had any questions. When I asked mine, he returned to his winning sports scenarios. He also told me there was "nothing I could do" to get rid of the remaining "debris" in my uterus, and if it didn't go away on its own, I'd have to have a D&C. I thought that was crap, so I went to see an acupuncturist near my house and she broke that shit right up. It was gone in time for the next ultrasound a week later.
  
• Which brings me to my second follow-up appointment. This time the nurse who showed me to the exam room asked me how far along I was. HOW MANY WEEKS PREGNANT I WAS. To which I replied, "I'm like, negative 2 weeks pregnant. I had a miscarriage two weeks ago. I'm here for my second follow-up". She peers into the computer screen and then QUESTIONS ME about whether or not I really had a miscarriage, because she didn't see anything about it on the chart. Her back is to me the whole time. When I tell her the dates of my most recent two appointments, she finds them, reads them, and then says "OK, I must have missed that". No "I'm sorry for your loss" or even "I'm sorry I didn't even glance at your chart before you came in." I sat raging for a few minutes, but then Baseball Doctor came in and wanded my up and pronounced that "everything looked clean". I was so relieved that I didn't even care about the ridiculousness of the entire health "care" event that had just taken place.

So yeah, I'm never going back there.

That very same day, I started sniffing around for a midwifery practice that would be involved in the whole fertility/conception/pregnancy from start to finish. I called one who didn't have any appointments until late April, but in our conversation, the Certified Nurse Midwife I spoke to suggested I call this acupuncturist who specializes in fertility. I did, and she could see me right away. So that's how I ended up in Oak Park yesterday talking about everything from my sleep habits, diet, stress levels, to how warm or cool I like to keep the thermostat in the winter. How did I FEEL about trying to get pregnant? Was my husband supportive? Do I have a spiritual practice and community? How did I grieve my miscarriage? Do I believe without hesitation that I am ready to try again?

That's what I'm talking about. Basic, human stuff. The mind/body/spirit connection. The SPORTS ANALOGY-FREE counseling that should go along with good care. I do not know how acupuncture works. All I can say is that it radically improved my quality of life seven years ago when I was struggling with chronic pain, and I know others for whom Eastern medicine was a turning point in their efforts to conceive. Even if I cannot get pregnant or cannot carry a pregnancy to term, I think acupuncture will be beneficial. Mini-counseling session + massage-quality physical wellness is helpful and healing for me in this season, no matter what.