poor places

today's 'word of the day' at m-w.com (the dictionary site):

impecunious - having very little or no money, usually habitually.

ordinarily i would say 'this is me!'. and in fact i generally do not have enough money to do everything i would like to do and even some of the things i need to do (hello, car maintenance!). i forgo things i want when the cashola is tight. i make choices. for example, if i decide i absolutely cannot live without comfy walking flat sneakers from TJMAXX, i just won't buy groceries that week. crackers and peanut butter, baby! or i will go out with my friends but eat dinner beforehand at home and just order a drink when we're out.

yes, it makes me feel a bit losery. yes, i struggle with feeling sorry for myself sometimes. yes, sometimes i'm secretly a little thankful that i don't have someone (a husband-type someone) to whom i have to be accountable about the ridiculous things i have not given up, despite my tight financials (hair products. occasionaly pedicures. fancy lip gloss.). other times i long for someone else to help me make better decisions. to have a shared goal and some encouragement about little things that seem like sacrifices.

this morning i served breakfast at a non profit near my neighborhood that serves meals restaraunt-style to homeless people. there is a daily menu, and volunteers take orders and bring food and drinks to the guests. it's kind of like playing waitress for me. i've never been one, so in a strange way it's kind of fun. and i think about what it would be like to actually and truly not know where my next meal would come from. or what i would do all day until my next meal. (ok, at my current waste-of-space job, i do sort of know about that part). perspective. good for me. remember that episode of 'friends' where pheobe decides that there is no such thing as a truly selfless act? i tend to agree with her. there are all kinds of reasons i serve or volunteer or get involved with my church. but i would never pretend that i don't always get something out of it. even on days like this morning when i whined inside about rolling out of bed at 5:30am...