Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I don't exactly have a decision to make yet, but I am one of the final 3 candidates for the job in Raleigh. I emailed them my references today.

I feel very ambivalent. Here's a quick rundown of the pros and cons:

Pros:

• Having a job that I love, working for a boss that I already know is terrific
• Never shoveling my car out of a snow bank or driving around for 24 minutes at 10:30 pm looking for a parking space
• 15 min. max daily commute
• Better connections to possible future career opportunities, reconnecting to an organization that I love, bigger job responsibilities
• Living in a place where "the weather" is a non-issue most of the year, rather than the #1 topic of conversation most of the year
• Bigger living space options
• Not having to wrestle AugDog into his little dog coat 4 times a day, every day, for 5 months.
• Less noise, pollution, traffic, crime, violence

Cons:

• Leaving so many friends and family
• My current job actually doesn't suck as much life out of me as it used to
• We just sold our 2nd car, and Raleigh is far less amenable to 1-car households
• Packing, boxing, moving, unpacking
• Apartment searching and getting out of our current lease
• Looking for a new church
• Making new friends while starting a new job and learning a new city
• What if I don't love the job as much as I think I will?
• Will it be harder for Hubs to make connections and find work?
• What if we have to move again in less than 2 years when Hubs finds a job?

And, since all things are not actually equal in reality, what really makes for great "quality of life"? Can you live in a loud, cramped, exciting, trafficy, crimey, beautiful, cold, hot, snowy, humid city, working at a job that you only sort of don't hate, with awesome friends and family and a great church and have a great quality of life? Or on the flip, can you live in a warm, pleasant, small, rambling, un-urban, highly-ranked-"livable" city, doing a job that you love, but live far away from so many of the people dearest to you and still have a great quality of life?

Lots of friends have encouraged me to pray about this, and I have been, but when was the last time you got a neon sign from God about a decision like this? I guess technically I haven't gotten an offer yet, so not getting an offer would be a big NO. It is strange to try to make a decision in advance of having a decision to make. "Discerning" I guess is the church-speak work for this process.

Lots of people have also asked me how this move could positively or negatively impact my career goals. And I've been nodding enthusiastically and saying "This would be a great career move for me" while secretly mouthing the question "What if I don't actually want to do any of this stuff anymore, but want to just have a baby and stay home and make things?" There. I said it. I don't really go around "saying" that. Because my friends may flip out if they heard me admit my newly uncovered nesting urges are seriously clouding my inclination to think too long or hard about my so-called Career Goals. What if I DO want to have a baby and stay home and make things? Maybe not forever, but for a while?

Sheesh. Who knew that one tiny Facebook comment could lead to all this mayhem, soul-searching, and serious (and good) marital conversations? If this job actually pans out, I'll reveal how the whole thing was actually a humorously escalated example of how calling someone's bluff can snowball into chaos. Or a job.